When you get married the last thing you worry about is getting a divorce, but more marriages are ending in divorce now than ever. Studies have shown that about 42% of marriages in the UK end in divorce and that Couples who meet online are 'six times more likely to get divorced' according to this, online couples have a 17% risk of divorce compared to just 10% for those who met through in-real-life channels!
Dating isn't easy, but getting divorced is no walk in the park either, when and how you're getting back in the horse, should be completely your personal choice but before doing that, here are a few tips to help avoid making the same mistakes and to help you maneuver the dating scene once again.
1 . Take the time to grieve
Grieve the loss of your relationship, just like you would grieve any other loss in your life. Take time and talk to a professional or friend, it is important to give yourself a significant amount of time to deal with all the emotions that may come with the experience, such as devastation, anger, and/or depression.
2 . Find Healing
After getting a divorce, DO NOT FAKE HAPPINESS! instead, work on your healing process. Healing is a beautiful process, it comes with unexpected findings of yourself, so take care to not rush this step. Give yourself plenty of time to accept what has transpired and deal with it your way.
This is a vital step as it helps clear the way to successfully moving on, it's easier to open yourself up to finding love again when your heart is not in two, so try not to rush your emotions and healing process.
3 . Meet the new you
Take the time to rediscover who you are. It is easy to lose ourselves in a relationship.
Divorces are (often than not) a messy process that usually changes people involved, you go through so many emotions and so much breaking and rebuilding, hence why it is so important to take the time to rediscover who you are now and what you're about. Make it a point to date yourself and focus on your own needs, before dating someone else. You might discover that you're no longer the same person, and don't really like the same things you used to love or that you're still the same person, just with different views...either way, say hello to this version of yourself.
4 . Reconnect with old friends/ pick up old hobbies
Like I have mentioned above, It is easy to lose ourselves in a relationship and even easier to disconnect with others, we neglect our individual selves and forget what we were like before new partners, after getting divorced this might be a good time to reconnect with our old selves and old friends. So go to that high school reunion, pick up that paintbrush or go ahead and reconnect with that old beau, let sparks fly... who knows you might actually enjoy it!
5 . Know your why.
Know why you want to date and what you want to get from dating. Don't date to fill a void or replace your previous partner. Once you start dating again, take things slow. Doing so will give you a better sense of what you want in your new relationship. It is important to know what you want, what works for you and what doesn't, what you're looking for in a new partner, and what is your deal-breaker. This shows maturity and growth. ask yourself these important questions and once you know your why, you're well on your way to your successful first date after getting divorced.
6 . Get re-educated on dating.
The dating scene might have changed drastically since you were last single-dating apps etc. Read blogs, follow dating professionals online, analyse people on a date in a cafe or restaurant. Speak with your single friends or an expert. Do not be afraid to back to go back to basics, there are many online courses you could use online, this is your chance to learn new things, take advantage of what Udemy has to offer on the subject. set your goals and get busy.
7 . Date.
Ask your friends to set you up with a single friend or do a bit of online dating to build up your confidence- practice makes perfect. when you are ready to look for a serious relationship seek out an expert like a matchmaker.
Final thoughts on dating after divorce
Divorce is a difficult and draining process, and dating after divorce isn't easy. It is okay and expected to be afraid but it is all about doing the work on yourself to become the best version of yourself.
If you feel you are ready to get dating again get in touch with our matchmaker today for a free and confidential chat to see how we can help.