When you are in your 30s or older it seems like everywhere you look, everyone else has found their soulmate and you are the only one struggling to find the one. Although it may not seem like it, you are not alone. Men and women in their 30s are having the same problems when searching for love despite when social media tries to convey. Seeing Facebook and Instagram full of loved-up couples and happy families may make you wonder why you are finding it difficult to find your partner when others are seemingly living in bliss- here are a few reasons why.
You’ve got the T-Shirt.
Dating in your 20s is so carefree. You go to a bar or you meet someone in university, and you give them a chance because a) they are cute and b) why not? By the time you reach your 30s you have already had a few relationships and the novelty of being with someone to be with someone has worn off. You may have had negative experiences and you are less likely to waste your time on someone with whom you don’t see a future with. Learn from your mistakes but remember that everyone is different and keep your mind open.
You know yourself and what you want.
By our 30s we have a clearer idea of who we are and what we want in life and from a relationship. You are happier in your own skin and will only allow someone into our lives who will enhance it. Naturally that means we are pickier. It is excellent that you know what you want however don’t let that stand in the way of you finding a new partner. There is a difference between having non negotiables and preferences. You may have decided that you want to be with someone who is degree educated however don’t rule out the person who became an Entrepreneur and has their own successful business or you may be a big lover of mindfulness, meditation and yoga but don’t automatically discount someone who is not in tune with their spiritual side. Remember there was once a time when you were not spiritual-everyone needs to start somewhere. As long as you both have an open mind anything is possible.
You have your routine.
When I was younger, I was always amazed when watching police tv programme where they asked someone where they were one night 3 weeks ago and they person could tell them without a second thought. Now that I’m older I understand why-we are creatures of habit. By the time we reach our 30s most of us have our weekly routine practically set in stone. Monday gym, Tuesday yoga, Wednesday book club, Thursday football... Although most single people won’t admit it, they would prefer that someone slots in to their routine rather than they change. Am I telling you that you need to drop your routine to find someone? No! However, like with your expectations, you need to be a bit flexible. It is important to maintain your independence and your commitments however don’t be afraid to be less rigid with your routine and make time for someone. This is a two-way street that both people in a partnership needs to do.
You have more responsibility.
Most people in their 30s will have a lot of responsibilities whether that be a high-pressurised job, a mortgage or kids. Your life is busy and dating is almost becoming a chore. You don’t have the time nor the inclination to waste on going on yet another unfulfilling date with a stranger from a dating site, never mind the time it takes to secure the date. Being more selective and seeing dating as a little reward or time out for yourself will allow you to take pleasure in dating. Go on your date with little expectations and see it as a time to be yourself and to get to know another person.
How to successfully date in your 30s/40s
The key to being successful in your search for love is to be openminded and flexible. Have 2 or 3 core values that are important to you in a potential partner but try to challenge your expectations. Be true to yourself but don’t write people off over small things.
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